Thursday, October 10, 2013

Being in Limbo

Warning... this ones gettin' personal.

It is exactly 5 weeks until I will be getting on a plane to return to Canada.... and in this moment the word overwhelmed does not even begin to describe what I am feeling.

I never really envisioned this as my "year abroad". From the very beginning, I viewed this as a new job, in a new county, and generally just a continuation of my life. I've always disliked discrediting my time... and somehow the idea of merely labeling this my year abroad bugged me. That's not to say I didn't think I would return to Canada in 12 months, but I just hated the idea of blocking this time off into some 'travel year' as if it was just something I needed to 'get out of my system'... nope for me, it was always just a new part of my life where, as with every part, I hoped to learn something new (and did I ever).

I never expected to like The Netherlands so much. The different culture, the cities, the feeling, the people, ... the bikes, oh the bikes! I had no idea what I was getting my heart into. I had no idea you could love a place and a space so much. Of course the people I have spent my time with have effected my perception of it here, but for the first 6 months I knew basically no one, and even then, I was deeply enthralled with this place.

And now? I am now in a full blown job hunt trying to find a way to stay in the beautiful land, but have unfortunately not found anything as of yet. (I'm still keeping my fingers crossed though, FYI).

Moving to a new place is such a high risk, not just that you wont like it, but also for the opposite reason, what if you love it? I am now in this weird limbo, hoping I can stay, but knowing the chances are small. Its a very strange, and often stressful existence. But I'm trying to simply just enjoy the fact that I am here now... (easier said than done.)

I'm not sure if any of this made sense...but I wanted to at least try and write a bit about it. So there you have it, some of my scattered thoughts on this being in limbo. 

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